I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
ok first of all what the fuck
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
