I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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