she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
