like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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