friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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