sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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