Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize