bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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