So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
