Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
