Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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