Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I want to be your penis for a week.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
