I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
