True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You made out with two different species that night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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