fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
