You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
