My hand turned me down
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
