Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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