He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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