The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
