I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
