had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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