That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
