You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
