I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
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I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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