Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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