dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
