i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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