lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
