How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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