did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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