Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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