Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
