My liver just broke up with me...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
