chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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