If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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