I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
