It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
