So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
