I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
