Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry about my life...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
