Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
