how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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