I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
