Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
