question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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