Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
