I wish I only lived at night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
