I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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