And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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