If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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