U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
