Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
