Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
