I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
