if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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