I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
