Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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