My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
