I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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