k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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