sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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