So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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