The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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